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Aloha Tuesday

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Welcome to St. Louis, where witnesses witnesses two men throw another man off the Poplar Street Bridge on Saturday Night. The victim was found 3 miles down the Mississippi River 10 minutes later.

The unidentified 28 year old man told police that he had been out drinking with two men earlier in the day, but as they drive across the bridge the other men stopped the car and tossed him over the side like a dead body wrapped in a carpet.

The man went to the hospital with minor injuries, but should be okay. The best part of the story is that the victim had passed out before being thrown into the river by
his friends that he doesn't know their names.


Michael Jackson Torches Bar, Like Fireworks Did His Hair.
The Bootleggers Bar employee was told by Amanda Jarvis that their was a fire in the women's restroom on Sunday morning. He went into the bathroom and proceeded to put out the fire, which was started in the trash can of the restroom. Intelligently, he went to the surveillance camera footage and saw Jarvis walk into the restroom twice and then left the bar.

Detective Sgt. Mark Carpentiere of the Lorain Police department was called to the scene after getting the phone call from the bartender. The bartender was able to track down Jarvis at another bar a short time later in the morning.

Carpentiere asked the heavily intoxicated woman if she knew why he was called to the bar, Jarvis replied with, "because I started a
fire in the bathroom." Police probed further to find out why she would have started the fire and got an awkward answer.

Jarvis said, "I felt stressed because my apartment had recently caught on fire, and because of the death of Michael Jackson."



Topless Public Pools Now In Sweden
The city of Malmö has voted to legalize topless bathing at public swimming pools. Malmö is the third largest city in Sweden, but the decision was due to a feminist group who started appearing at the public pools topless after a motion to make the women "cover up." The amended version states that “everybody should wear bathing suits,” which would allow woman to to go topless as long as they wore a bottom part.

A council spokesman told The Local that “We don’t define what bathing suits men should wear so it doesn’t make much sense
to do it for women. And besides, it’s not unusual for men to have large breasts that resemble women’s breasts.”


Playboy Bunnies Fading Away
The University of Central Florida is trying to work on saving an endangered species of bunnies that were named after Playboy founder Hugh Hefner.

Rosanna Tursi is using genetics to help in the conservation of the bunnies. The sylvilagus palustris hefneri were declared endangered in 1990. The hefneri is the most recently recognized subspecies of the marsh rabbit and were discovered in 1984.

Tursi and s
ome colleagues from the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service were awarded a grant to study the bunnies. She believes that the ability of a species to adapt to new conditions depends on genetic information present in natural populations. So the more genetic diversity in a species, the greater their rate of survival.

Tursi said, "The loss of genetic diversity can have long-term repercussions by affecting the evolutionary potential of the species. Nature and conservation of wildlife have always been my passion, and I wanted to use my molecular and genetic knowledge to help endangered species."


Links:
Friends, Who Needs Enemies
King of Pop Started It
Sweden Just Rules
The End of Playboy Bunnies

Monday Shines

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Meet Albert Parker, 40, who has a history of domestic violence. He was charged with attempted murder after allegedly stabbing his girlfriend with a branch cutter.

Parker's live-in girlfriend was found covered in blood after the police had to force their way into the home. She staggered out of their apartment with cuts on the face, neck, and both forearms. She was transported to the hospital and is in stable condition.



True Blood, Soft Cotton
Self Magazine's July cover will feature Anna Paquin, 26, showing off her sexy figure. She is going to be rocking a sweet blue and white bikini, trying to draw the fangs out of most guys. Paquin is known for her role as Sookie Stackhouse in HBO's True Blood. Her bigger roles included the movies The Piano and the X-Men Trilogy.


Bag Of Lays For A BJ?
Meet Lahoma Sue Smith, 36, who pleaded no contest to prostitution charges. She was arrested back in February for agreeing to having sex with a man for a box of chips.

Smith was noticed by cops when she started flashing her headlights trying to "catch a date." She landed a winner, a man who was employed by Frito-Lays and was looking for company but didn't have any money. They worked out a trade for a $30 case of chips.

When the cops caught up to Smith, she had her top open and the man was hitching up his pants. The man proceeded to tell police that he was having problems at home, so he decided to pick up a hooker. When police asked Smith if she had ever been arrested for prostitution, Smith told police "Yes. Two or three times.”



iPod Beatdown
Welcome to Queenstown, Maryland where a young woman was attacked by three individuals for the location of a secret iPod. The Queen Anne's Sheriff's Office says that Derak Seward, 23, Amanda Weaver, 21, and Jewell Bedwell, 21, all took part in the assault of Ivy Lockwood, 22.

Seward, being a wonderful man held a knife to Lockwood's throat while Bedwell and Weaver dragged Lockwood across a gravel lot to a drainage ditch. From there the Wondertards continually held Lockwood's head under water several times until she gave them the information they were after.

Never the less, Seward, Weaver and Bedwell are charged with attempted murder, assault, conspiracy and other offenses and are being held without bail. continually held Lockwood's head under water several times until she gave them the information they were after.



Links:
I'd Bite Her
She was stabbed with a gardening tool.
iPod Beatings

Thursdays Theme: Bob Dole

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I'm Telling You I Did It
Welcome to Kalamazoo, Michigan, where a 27 year old man accidental turned himself into the police after committing a crime on Wednesday.

Kalamazoo officers responded to a breaking and entering call around 4 a.m. and noticed that forcible entry had been used to get into the business in the 600 block of North Rose Street.

Later in the day, the man went to the officer's sub-station saying that he witnessed the break in on North Rose Street. The winner was drunk and bleeding from his hands and forearms and the officers helped clean the man up, remov
e some glass, and listen to his story.

He told officers t
hat he watched someone break the window, crawl though it, and then enter the business. He described him wearing clothes that were extremely similar to what he was wearing at the time. He then said that he tried to catch the robber, so he crawled through the window and they got into a fight inside the business. After the fight, the criminal fled the building.

Police decided to investigate the man's claims and the evidence proved the man as the criminal. The man is now at the Kalamazoo County Jail on charges of breaking and entering.



Nazi's Run In Fear
Time to put on your Indiana Jones hat and look away from the Ark of the Covenant.

The Orthodox Church of Ethiopia says that the patriarch will announce to the world on Friday the unveiling of the Ark of the Covenant. This is probably the world most prized spiritual artifact and archaeological find, which they say that has been hidden away for a millennium.

Abuna Pauolos told news agencies, "Soon the world will be able to admire the Ark of the Covenant described in the Bible as the container of the tablets of the law that God delivered to Moses and the center of searches and studies for centuries. The Ark of the Covenant is in Ethiopia for many centuries. As a patriarch I have seen it with my own eyes and only few highly qualified persons could do the same, until now."

He went on to say that a Museum is being built in Axum, Ethiopia where the true Ark will be displayed. The Ark has been kept in one church, but to defend the treasure, copies were placed in every Ethiopian church.

If I ever learned something from movies, it is to close your eyes and look away if and when the Ark is actually opened. That and unfo
rtunately if we are in a horror flick, to not have sex or you die. At least its a good way to die, rather than running for 30 minutes only to be decapitated later...decisions.


Stripper's Stilettos of Justice
Welcome to Atlanta, Georgia, where some strippers have decided to sue Hotlanta, because of a new law that will not let them work in an upscale workplace. A new law was passed that says people who are not old enough to drink, can't work in clubs where liquor is served.

Five young exotic dancers (politically correct) have taken city to the Supreme Court, so they can keep dancing at the Cheetah Lounge. The lounge is one of Atlanta's most popular strip clubs, and they make a lot of money off of alcohol sales. These women state that the law enacted is an attempt to target nude dancing spots only.

These five girls were regular showgirls at the Cheetah Lounge back in 2007, when the city passed an ordinance aimed to eliminate under age drinking. The law basically banned anyone under 21 from entering a store that sold alcohol beverages on site, but it exempted convenience stores, stadiums, concert halls and a slew of other places, but not a
dult entertainment clubs.

Alan Begner, an adult entertainment attorney who represents the five women, called it a right-to-work case. He pointed out that they have a right to vote, right to serve in the military, and a right to sue; but now they don't have a right to strip. The filed a lawsuit claiming the ordinance was in violation of their free speech, but a judge ruled in favor of the city.

Begner said, "They are adults and there's no good reason to deny them a right to work, a right to be first-class citizens. Convenience stores are where underage teens go to drink, and that's where 15-year-olds can sell to them."

City attorney Amber Ali Robinson countered the claim by saying that the ordinance doesn't ban under 21 women from stripping, only from dancing at clubs that make most of their revenue from selling alcohol.



Teacher Knows What Boys Like
Local 7th grade teacher Adrienne Feistel, 35, was having some martial problems and a students family let her move in while the situation straightened out.

She now faces four counts of committing a lewd act on a child with substantial sexual conduct and six counts of lewd acts on a child aged 14 or 15. Feistel would sneak into the 12 year old boy's room and have sex with him, while the parents were asleep. The sex even continued after she moved out of the family's home.

The boy, who is now 15, testified that the sexual activity began 2 months into his 7th grade year. He also testified that during some point she was having martial problems and moved in with his family. He said that the relationship made him uncomfortable and he didn't want to have sex with Feistel.

The Victim said, "She would come in when everybody was sleeping and she tried to kiss me and I wouldn’t. I decided to stop and not do it anymore."



Links: It Was Me, I want to Report A Crime
Not Noah's Ark
Strippers Sue Georgia

Wake Up Call

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Drinking and Breast Feeding? Thats a Felony.
Meet Stacey Anvarinia, 26, from Grand Forks, North Dakota. She has pleaded guilty to Child Neglect charges on Wednesday.

It all went down on April 13th, when police officers were responding to a domestic disturbance, when they found an intoxicated Anvarinia breast feeding her six week old baby. She could be facing up to five years in prison for the felony charge.

Judge Sonja Clapp says that Anvarinia will not have to register as an offender against children. Health Officials say that alcohol consumed by breast feeding mothers can be absorbed into the infant's system.



This Kid's Got Sauce
Welcome to New York, where Gladimir Occelin, 32, got his car stolen while making a delivery run.

Traphilu Bowen, 16, of Brooklyn swiped the 1994 Toyota Camry, because Occelin left it with the keys in it and engine running. Bowen allegedly drove around the block a few times and gave Occlein the bird.

Occelin with his quick instinct called 911 and actually accompanied police on a search for Bowen. Police found him nearby and gave them a brief run for their money. Yet, he was caught and charged with a various assortment of charges.



That Porn Will Teach Them
The police in Phoenixville, Pa., were called to a suburban home, because a man was tired of kids playing in his cul-de-sac, so he decided to scare them off.

Michael Buck, 27, now faces felony obscenity and 2 misdemeanors for blaring a "pornographic" soundtrack that could be heard over a block and a half away. Detective Tom Goggin has said that Buck has filed a complaint on the neighborhood kids, but there is nothing criminal with kids playing outside.

Now I checked and its really hard to find a good pornographic soundtrack. It's no wonder why the neighbors were irate, he should have just used the soundtrack to School House Rock, those kids would have run away since he would be trying to educated them.



Links: Drunken Breast Feeding
Pizza Pie Caper
Porn Scores

Full of Lies

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Shining Star Fades to Black
Remember Kimberley Vlaminck? She is the Belgian girl that said she wanted to get 3 stars tattooed on her face, but her artist didn't fully understander her and gave her 56 instead. Well the attention starving teen has finally broke and the truth has slipped out.

She originally said that she fell asleep and the artist when to town causing her to have a constellation face. Actually, she was awake the entire time and she had to cry wolf, because her father was "furious."

She made a big scene about how she planned on suing the tattoo artist Rouslan Toumaniantz. She needed the money for laser surgery to remove the blemish. Vlaminck said, "It is terrible for me. I cannot go out on to the street. I look like a freak."

She told Dutch TV that she initially asked for the stars and adored them, but it all changed when her father saw them and freak out. Toumaniantz had consistently denied he mad a mistake and that the girl wanted the 56 stars. He even offered to cover half of the treatment cost to help remove the tattoos.

Now Toumaniantz has withdrawn the offer and said that he plans to get written consent from his clients. He also said, "Kimberley is unhappy and it is not my wish to have an unsatisfied client. I don't regret it. To tell you the truth, this has given me some publicity."



Golf Cart DUI
Welcome to Richfield, Wisconsin, the site of where a 47 year old man decided to high jack a golf cart after consuming 10 beers at a golf course and being left behind by relatives that left him there.

The man decided that he would be able to make it back to his home that was over 40 miles away in the golf cart. While consuming the beers, he didn't even attempt to throw them away or off the cart.

This is the man's second time being arrested for operating a vehicle while intoxicated. He was stopped while traveling southbound on Highway 175 by a sheriff's deputy Andrew Meier.

The man told Meier that he was heading back to south Milwaukee after being left by a group of "uncles" at the Kettle Hills Golf Course. Meier was actually responding to a disorderly conduct complaint at the same course. That is when he saw a man driving a cart blow right by a stop sign.

After Meier turned on the car's emergency lights and the horn, the man turned, waved, and pulled over to the shoulder of the highway. However, he continued to drive the cart until the officer used the sirens.

Meier found eight open beer cans in the cart. The man admitted that he had around 10 beers, but didn't think he was intoxicated. Later in questioning, the suspect said, "he did not even realize he was driving the golf cart on the road until he saw the squad with lights behind him."



Strip Club Sues Teenager
A Corpus Christi strip club hired a seventh-grader as an exotic dancer, is now suing the teenager.

The Cheetah Club attorney says that the managers didn't know the girl was a minor when the girl exposed herself and that she conned the club into hiring the girl.

Attorney Alan Jaffe told the San Antonio Express news, "She came (into the club) with 6-inch stiletto heels and a miniskirt and looked just like a model from a Miss America's contest."

As the story plays out, it turns out the girl was kidnapped and forced to work at the club. Leslie Campbell, 48, is accused of taking the girl from her home and took her down to Corpus Christi. Campbell is also being accused of sexually assaulting the teen.

The club's lawsuit names the teen's parents and the kidnapper as co-defendants. The suit claims that the parents failed to "properly supervise" their daughter.



Geek Squad Power Tripped
Meet geek squad member Jay Mora, 25, who was arrested for impersonating a State Police officer and coercing a woman into sexual acts on Thursday.

Officer Earl Kinsey said that the victim told police that she had agreed to meet Mora at a Days Inn to "engage in a sex for money transaction."

This is when the Geek Squad member used his id to tell the woman that he would release her without arrest if she agreed to have sex with him. The sex was so good that Mora refused to leave the room.

The woman was able to contact a relative on her cell, who contacted the police. Once the police arrived, she was able to point out Mora. Mora was of course arrested and charged with sexual assault and impersonating a police officer.


Links:
Star Fades Away
Teenage Stripper Sued?
He's Here For Plug and Play

Perez Takes A Shot In The Eye

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Mario Lavandeira, 31 also known as the self renowned "Queen of All Media," has taken over the Internet with the claim that he was assaulted. He states that during an after part celebration at the MuchMusic Awards, he was approached by Black Eye Peas Member Will.I.Am, who jumped into his face and began a tirade about him not liking the band and about writing about his band. After a light argument ensued, Perez Hilton (Mario) says that he got sucker punched and started bleeding.

It all started earlier in the night when Perez and Fergie talked at the club Ultra during an after party, which Will.I.Am was djing. Apparently the discussion between Perez and Fergie was bad enough that Will.I.Am got upset that Hilton has such an effect on Fergie.

Both groups ended up at Cobra for another after party held by Universal Music. This is where Hilton and Will.I.Am run into each other and the argument ensues. The video looks like it picks up at the latter part of the argument when a very loud Hilton is heard saying, "How am I not being honest?"

A lot of background noise then a very clear Perez Hilton is heard calling Will.I.Am a "Fucking Faggot." Followed by the ohs and damns by the people hanging around outside. Then for the next 45 seconds, its laughing and people being told to go back inside.

Perez says on his video, "I was not want or trying to antagonize him. I thought I would say the worst possible thing that thug would hear. Knowing that it would set it him off." On the way out of the club, Perez goes on to say that the manager of the Black Eyed Peas sucker punched him, after Will.I.Am. was waiting outside the club for him.


Actual Video of Argument, thanks to TMZ:




Perez now busted open under his right eye was afraid, because his eye "might be falling out of his head" and he was in shock. He then rants that they were following him back to his hotel, even though the group was staying at the same hotel. Hilton felt that his safety was in danger, so he decided to call 9-1-1 (which works in Toronto). Since the police where handling actual emergencies, he reached out to twitter. He asked all his followers to call the police and it was his, "cry for help."

Since the incident, Toronto Police have charged Polo Molina for assault charges. Molina turned himself in and has been charged with assaulting Hilton, Toronto Police Constable Tony Vella said. Molina is due in court Aug. 5.

Will.I.Am had posted a video on dipdive.com with a detailed accounting for what happened throughout the night. Which can be seen here:



Hilton made a video blog recounting the incident and its full of emotion. The 11 minute video rant goes from covering the situation to insulting and swearing of Will.I.Am, Polo Molina, and Fergie. If the use of Twitter was a "cry for help," then what is the video?

After watching both accounts and then watching the video from the actual event. Its hard to feel sorry for Perez Hilton, especially after verballing assaulting someone. It is one thing to get into a argument and then someone punch you, but to push the scene by purposely insulting the guy to get him worked up... Hilton is not a victim, but an accomplice.

Perez Hilton is now a walking hypocrite after using a gay slur on Will.I.Am. If the shoe was on the other foot, there would be picketing, boycotting, and mass emailing calling for a public apology from Will.I.Am and the Black Eyed Peas. Especially after the verbal assault Hilton let loose on Carey Prejean due to her answer that he asked about marriage. To top it off Hilton loses any credibility as a positive figure in the gay community.

Barely Legal

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Kansas City, Mo., is looking at letting hunters open fire in city limits. Some city parks are being overrun by Deer, and it works out to be cheaper to let hunters take care of the deers, rather than paying someone to trap it and let if free in the wild.

No word Yet from PETA, but I'm sure they will freak out and snatch the deers themselves. Hopefully they don't snag them, kill them and leave them in a dumpster behind a strip mall. If they were offended by Obama eliminating a fly, I can't wait for the fire works...


Real Life Mario Kart

Welcome to Olympia, Washington, home of the "Bump & Go Posse." This group of outlaws purposely ram into other drivers for fun, according to Jim Chamberlain of Thurston County Sheriff's Office.

Met Mario Kart wanna be Gil Contreras, who was arrested on Tuesday for ramming unsuspecting players in Tumwater, Lacey, and Olympia. Wondertard even decided that getting the police involved was a good idea. Two people involved in his tard-a-thon were taken to a hospital for treatment.

Contreras, 45, was intoxicated when he was arrested. Police chased Contreras, after he allegedly hit the previous vehicles. Contreras rammed a police cruiser, so the police returned the favor and spun out Contrera
s.

Contreras, has been arrested on a charge of hit-and-run in the past and is on a deferred prosecution for hitting a driver in Pierce County in 2005. He also has a 1993 conviction for drunk driving. He's being held in jail on $100,000 bail.



The Revenge of Michael J Fox

Welcome to the majestic streets of Fairbanks, Alaska. The home of Eskimos, Mooses, and the body of Roman Retynski.

Retynski, 34, was found near the shoulder of Mile 36 on Chena Hot Springs Road. He was a simple man that enjoyed the freedom found riding carefree on the hoods of speeding vehicles. He died from an apparent "Car Surfing" accident according to Alaska State Troopers.

A woman who was w
ith Retynski, told his family that she had "lost" him the night before. They were headed to the family cabin in Chena Hot Springs. He climbed on the hood of the truck and then had the truck speed up to 60 or 70 miles an hour. The woman looked for his body, but was unable to find it and contacted Retynski's brother.

News of Retynski's death was not entirely unexpected. His mother called him, "the daredevil of the family." Car surfing was popularized in movies such as "Teen Wolf" and "Death Proof." Between 1990 and August of 2008, 58 people have died from car surfing accidents, according to the Federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.



Porn Star Bus Driver... You're Fired!

Meet Audrey, 24 and the current reigning "Miss Nude Belgium 2009," who passed all her driving tests following a six week intensive course in the city Liege last month. She's a qualified bus driver and is now looking at the unemployment line, because it slipped out that she is a well known porn star (she is?)...

The TEC called her back into the office of the bus company to explain a series of interesting pictures. She told the company, "'They were photos taken from my erotic performances and from my web site."

The director of human resources (aka ziggy piggy), asked her to choose from her erotic career and her new career on the buses. He went on to tell her, she wouldn't be able to take part in any "nocturnal" activities, while working as a bus driver. Ziggy Piggy demanded that she sign a form pledging that she wouldn't take any more nude pictures.

Audrey said, "I enjoy my erotic work, but the contracts are not worth very much. Although this work is a passion, I need to have a job which pays the bills. I'd always wanted to be a bus driver as I'm very sociable. I
like the contact with people and I don't see why an erotic career is incompatible with my day job."

Carine Zanella, spokesperson for TEC, said their treatment of Audrey was nothing to do with morality (Right and I own the London bridge!). She said, "We are solely interested in security for our drivers and customers. We don't wish to see a member of our staff finishing a show in the middle of the night and then picking up a bus at six in the morning."

Links:
He's A Winner
Teen Wolf Kills Again
No bus driving celebrities

Sweet 16

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Raining Frogs
In early June, tadpoles and frogs have fallen from the sky around in Ishikawa Prefecture. The even continues with a mysterious rain of tadpoles now hits Shizuoka, Hiroshima.

Approximately 40 frogs and tadpoles were found at the tennis court of a girls' junior high and high school in Hammatsu. They were discovered by biology teacher Yuji Ota, early Saturday morning. Many of the amphibians were crushed, but a few remained intact and smelled raw.

According to Ota, the school has a pond on site and is frequently by herons, which eat tadpoles. Ota believes that the birds may have spit up the frogs on the flight our of the pond.


Free Ambulance Rides
At 4 a.m. on Saturday, a MAST ambulance delivered a patient to Research Hospital, but when the crew came out to a surprise. The ambulance was missing from the front of the hospital.

The Ambulance was spotted driving erratically at a high rate of speed on Interstate 435 in Independence, MO. Police pursued the vehicle and the driver took the chase through the residential areas. The driver lost control and slammed into a power pole off Winner Road.

The driver got a ride back to the hospital in another ambulance, but this time he wasn't allowed to drive.


Lesson Not Learned
Meet Noreen Menard, 48, who was arrested on Saturday just before 5 p.m. Another driver noticed that the car was swerving across the center line and following other cars closely. The driver contact police and Officer Hodgerney took the task of arresting Menard.

Officer Hodgerney was parked along the highway and spotted the car. He followed her and noticed the same behavior as reported. After pulling her over, she told the officer, “Is this going to take long? I am late for my AA meeting.” She admitted to being drunk and of course failed the field sobriety tests. On top of that she had an open container of Mr. Boston Vodka.

Lucky for her this is her fourth charge of operating under the influence of alcohol and now adding the open container. She is being held with out bail due to the fact the threatened to kill herself and then proceeded to burn herself with a cigarette.


Links:

Frogs, Not Cats and Dogs

Ambulance Joy Ride

AA Fail

Monday Circles

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A phoenix rises from the barley crops in Yatesbury, England. This crop circle has experts believing that it's a sign of our world's upcoming doom. This 400 foot design depicts the mythical bird being reborn from the ashes.

Investigators claim that more and more formations are appearing referencing the cataclysmic event that is supposed to occur on December 21st, 2012. This date just happens to coincide with the end of the ancient Mayan calendar.

The Mayan's believed that all civilizations exist in cycles of 144,000 days. Ours is the 13th cycle that expires in December 2012, resulting in destruction of existence as we know it.


Beam Me Up Scottie
Lets all catch the nearest space shuttle and take a trip to Vulcan, Alberta. If we get lucky, we can catch the other Sci-Fi fans that gathered for the best convention of all time. Its better than E3, Erotica LA, and the Japanese Gaming Expo all combined.

Just be sure to dawn on the blue, red, or gold uniform for Spock Days. In 1995, the city of Vulcan unveiled a 31 foot long, 9 foot tall replica of the USS Enterprise. At the base of ship there 3 plaques engraved in Klingon, Vulcan, and English for the non nerds.

Next Olympic Sport - Naked Rugby
In England, ruby players take any chance to shred off a shirt at the first opportunity. Which normally happens at the end of the game or even sometimes at the local pub, but not in New Zealand.

Welcome to Dunedin, New Zealand, where for the last 2 years the newest rugby league was founded based on a celebration of a New Zealand's national nude day. The nude rugby international had two team face off in their birthday suits yesterday, as a warm up for this year. Temperatures were cold enough to ensure embarrassing to match between the All Blacks and France.

The warm up was in full swing as naked men roughed each other up, but ran into a slight delay when they were interrupted by a fully clothed "streaker" during the match.




No Stabby Stab!
Britain decided to go a little weird when they decided to release the first "anti-stab" knife. The knife is designed to work as normal in the kitchen, but lacking as a weapon. Instead of a pointed end, the new design is made with a rounded edge and will snag on clothing or skin to make it more difficult to stab someone.

Industrial designer John Cornock, 42, was inspired by a documentary that wanted to ban traditional knives. He say that the new design will cut veggies like normal, but it will be "almost" impossible to stab someone to death.

The Home Office's Design and Technology Alliance has tested the knife with "very favorable" results. The knife is expected to sell for around $80.00, when released.

Links: Crop Circles Star Trek Nerds We're Going Streaking Knife fail

Its Magic!

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All In The Family
Welcome to the Wonderful area known as Greeley, Colorado. A family decided that they would all attack a former girlfriends of their eldest son, took a turn for the bizarre. The hair pulling and fisticuffs antics turned into a 10 hour standoff with Greeley Police on Monday.

Christina Vanderclip had driven by the home of her former boyfriend, apparently described by some as her "common-law" husband Travis Schneller. She noticed him at the house and decided to stop to talk to him. Travis, 24, decided this was the good time to hit her and pull her hair.

Luckily his mother, Kimberly Schneller, 47, used logic and decided to jump on the back of Vanderclip and also joined in the hair pulling. Not wanting to be left out of the one sided attack, Michael Schneller, 18, and Robert Schneller, 47, decided to help attack the woman. Robert attempted to choke the woman and utilize a stun gun on her, but somehow failed. Finally, Vanderclip's friend was able to help pull her away from the family full of anger and hate. As they drove away from the home they called the police.

This is when the family decides to make it an interesting day for local police. The Greeley police had to get a district judge to sign a arrest warrant, because they refused to open the door for police. This only took six hours from the time of the standoff. The entire family was arrested, but its never that easy.

While the police were in the home, they found a marijuana plant and some related paraphernalia. So the police actually had to go and get another warrant to seize the plant. That only took another 2 hours to get it signed.


Someone Should Drag This Ass

Welcome to the Windy City. Meet super-douche Larry Chambers, 62, who was charged with animal cruelty. He decided that it was smart to drag his 8 month old puppy behind his car, as he drove down Western Avenue.

Luckily, an off-duty Chicago police officer saw the dog being dragged and had the man arrested on June 1st. Wondertard Chamb
ers, told the police that he was angry at the dog and decided to tie it to the back of the car. Now to leave the charges at such a small level, wouldn't get you the super-douche title, but deciding to resist arrest and punch the off-duty officer in the chest... Now that's a start. The dog survived the horrific ordeal, but unfortunately was skinned over much of its body.

For those in the Chicago area, Chambers is scheduled to appear in court on July 22nd at 1:30 PM. Maybe someone can convince a judge to tie him to a back of a car and drag his ass down a road.



This Is Madness

Spartan Men and Women were warriors, but this is a little weird even for them. We travel to Sparta, Michigan, where a local man is under arrest for breaking into a neighbor's home while wearing boxer shorts and a woman's bra.

This nightmare act
ually happened on Elm Street around 5:30 am in Sparta. Jacob Fast, 20, wasn't fast enough, when Lisa Collins, found him going through her car. As she dialed 911, she startled the man, who promptly sauntered back to his house... 2 doors down the street.

Lisa Collins says, "I was actually kind of worried. He was in a bra and boxers and he's going through my car. I didn't know what to think. I didn't know who he was. I was panicked, I was screaming."

When officers arrived, they went to Fast's home and he refused to come out. Police eventually got a search warrant and went into the home. He was not arrested wearing the bra, but it was inside his home. Fast told police that he had been outside all night and was intoxicated.



Shrooms Did It

We will end our trip in Manatee County, Florida. Meet Jeffery Moore, 19, who was arrested after being found in a cow pasture collecting shrooms. The problem was the fact the Moore was wielding a crossbow at the time.

Moore and 3 others were spotted by a County Sheriff's helicopter in the cow pasture, but I think the shrooms really messed with his brains. He was seen laying face down in an attempt to hide from the helicopter spotlight.
Police quickly found Moore holding a small crossbow and a slingshot.

Moore told the police that he was in the pasture collecting mushrooms for drug consumption, but the weapons were only for protection from the cows...and the little green guy sitting on my shoulder.


Links
Family Circus Sweating like a Dog
Tonight We Dine At Arby's
What Green Man? Thats a Cow

It Is Numb

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Since the "Swine Flu Scare" has dwindled down because of massive overexposure, leave it to CNN and some orthopedic specialists to come up with a new "epidemic."

"Cell Phone Elbow," is an apparent disease where patients are damaging an essential nerve in the arm, by keeping there elbows bent for too long. By continually holding your phone to your ear it, "chokes the blood supply to the nerves."

Now as most men and some women know that when you get the tingling sensation in your hand, its time to switch to the other hand. I couldn't but help and laugh when reading this statement from Donna Malloy, 66 years old:

"Mainly when I was holding something, I noticed, 'Geez, they're tingling.' It got progressively worse. If you walk around holding the cell phone, after a while you're not sure you have it in the hand anymore."

Apparently just saying that your hand went numb, was a to easy thing to say and not scary enough to get people to f
reak out. So, since we all will suffer "Cell Phone Elbow," its time for someone to sue AT&T for that damned iPhone.


1st Rule of Home Selling - Bash It! Bash It!

Joesph Young, 23, went a little too far in a heavy drinking session, when he ended up thrashing the luxury home that his firm was selling while the owner was abroad.

Young collected the keys to the £650,000 house from his office so he and two friends could continue to party. Young and Bradley Conway, 23, started the unscheduled demo with ripping out door frames, smashing chairs and statues, and damaging a vintage car in the garage. Conway then stole the keys to the owner's Skoda and went on a drunken joy ride with Young, which the so elegantly put the vehicle into a nearby tree.

Conway admitted guilt to all three charges, but Young was cleared of stealing the car keys and aggravated vehicle taking. Young did plead guilty to causing criminal damage and both will be sentenced in the future.

Mr. Clench, the home owner was in Spain when the failed bash'em brothers pillaged his home. He told the court, it was
"obviously not the happiest occasion" when he returned to find the scene of devastation.


Cell Phone Captures Murderer

Anthony Ramirez, 23, left his cell phone behind at the scene of a burglary and suspected of murdering 3 others. Ramirez called his own number and was unaware that a police officer was the person who answered the phone. He wanted to get his cell phone back, but ended up in the pokey.

He is sitting in ail charged with killing a man in Emeryville and suspected
in 2 other homicide cases. The burglary took place on May 22nd, when the owner interrupted the break-in. Jumpin Jack Flash fled out the window, but left the phone at the scene.

Ramirez called the phone, while police were investigating the home for evidence. Officer Uri Nieves, told Ramirez that he found the phone and would return it for a fee - at the local Boys and Girls Club. Wondertard Ramirez arrived at the club in a stolen Nissan 350z that had a sawed-off .30-30 rifle inside.



Police Balls Are Squishy

Meet retiree Sam Charles Spuchess, 63, who assaulted a Brisbane police officer during RiverFire. This is Brisbane's biggest annual fireworks event of the year and Spuchess was frustrated for not being able to cross the Story Bridge.

Apparently traffic was blocked for 2 hours during the event and that sent Spuchess in a road rage like none other before. According to Prosecutor Sarah Dennis, she said that Spuchess started yelling at the traffic officer, then grabbed the officers service issued torch and attempted to hit him with it, and finally the genius grabbed the officer's huevos rancheros and squeezed.

So why all the frustration? Was it due to the fact he had run into the police officer's car? Nope. It was all due to the fact the man was missing his wife's birthday.

Spuchess pleaded guilty to one count of serious assault on June 1st and was sentenced to a 12 month prison term. The judge let Spuchess out on immediate parole, because he was "suffering from a depressive disorder," and had a good work history.



She's So Hot, She's Nuclear

Hello Russian non mail order brides... It's that time of year again where some Russian women show that not all of them have extra appendages or 3 eyes. That's right it is the Miss Atom 2009 beauty pageant and they have announced the winners on their official website.

All the winners and contestants actually work in the Russian Nuclear Industry. This is the sixth annual event and hosts beauty's from nuclear energy agencies & research institutions. The ladies hail from Russia, Ukraine, Belarus, Kazakhstan and Lithuania.

This year's winner is Yekaterina Bulgakova, who is a legal consultant. Her prize is a wonderful trip to Cuba!


Links:
Realtor Mistake 101
Murder He Dialed
No Squeezy Police Balls
She's Nuclear